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January 8 · Issue #9 · View online
Welcome to Compassionate Technologies. Here you'll get a dose of real science and business in your inbox every Sunday morning. Why? Because cutting-edge research shouldn't be locked in an ivory tower. This newsletter covers the relationships between machine learning, robotics, genetic engineering, and climate science. It's all connected, and it's my passion to simplify and make clear those connections for all of you. Love, Olivia.
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Having a rough time with yourself after the holidays? Ate too much, can’t stick to the gym? It’s another year gone by and jeez, you’re older? Here’s a silly way to show some compassion for yourself after the holidays.
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I'm Not a Robot (Marina and the Diamonds) - click to enjoy!
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If any of your are like me, the holidays were a bit stressful. Family gatherings and idle time for self-reflection, sandwiched between a mad rush to finish everything before the holidays - and a mad rush to get back on the ball after the holidays. The Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory shows that even “positive things” in our life, like getting married, falling in love, or starting a new job - are stressful life events. In that same vein, celebrating the new year, spending time with loved (and not so loved) ones is bound to also be stressful! And then we’re throwing “self-reflection” onto the fire. In the United States, self-reflection usually amounts to “tearing one’s self apart” and setting unrealistic, difficult, and sometimes downright cruel (like ‘go to the gym for 2 hours a day, get skinny and don’t eat any bread, sugar, or carbs’, ouch!) expectations for yourself for the future. So yes, if you’re stressed - there are a lot of reasons to be stressed. And…
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Our western culture promotes “the self”, coupled with a lot of guilt and shame. “I’m not good enough. I’m not thin enough. I have to be better to be liked. If people knew the truth about me, I’d be a nobody. Better, better, better…” Does any of that sound familiar? Well, let’s look at it another way. You’re a squishy machine. Not a silicon metal-based machine like an android robot, you’re a biological machine. Imagine you wake up every morning, pleasantly surprised to find yourself in a human body. You look at your hands and are amazed at how they can move, rotate, and grab. How they can hold a delicate wine glass and also ball up into a fist and break a window. What amazing versatility, flexibility, and strength lies in your body! And your processing systems too. It takes a bit of time to reboot in the morning, but after a few minutes you know who you are, where you are, and are usually processing the same problems (worrying) about the exact same thing you were processing right before you put yourself to sleep.
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When you think of yourself as a human machine, it takes a lot of pressure away from existing. You no longer feel so much guilt and shame for things you can’t control, things that were coded into your software and hardware, like your sexuality, propensity for strong emotions, or fat distribution. If someone judges you physically, well - it’s just their software passing a judgment on your hardware! And you can make some modifications, if it really matters… but ultimately you’re kind of limited with what you were born with. And you’re also limited with age. That machine is going to break down if you put enough miles on it. Wrinkles on your face? Freckles? Neck sagging a bit? That’s just mileage and experience.
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At the root of compassion is understanding. Many of us have a lot of shame over things we don’t fully understand about ourselves. For example, self-awareness is a huge bug in the human system. Our eyes face outwards, and we are acutely aware of others but have difficulty turning our gaze inward. And when we do turn our gaze inward, so many systems of cognitive biases and cultural messaging guide us straight into self-delusion. We think we are more aware than we are.
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If you set your mind to do something, like a new year’s resolution, and you find yourself dreading it, hating it, or masochistically becoming addicted to it - it’s okay! Because it’s just your self-awareness bug.
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Don’t feel guilty, have compassion. For yourself. Take a step back, observe, learn, reevaluate - and then re-engage. Rinse and repeat until you’ve either accomplished your goal or have realistically readjusted your expectations.
It’s the “observe” part where “I’m a machine” thinking really helps. It’s a hack around the self-awareness bug. Once you zoom out, shift perspective, and stop thinking about yourself as yourself… your observations tend to become more accurate. But be careful of taking this thinking too far. You’re a machine, but you’re also human. ;)
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Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory
Give yourself a stress check up after the new year. What happened last year? More stressed than you thought? Another reason to take it easy :)
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The Geography of Shame: East vs. West
Another flavor on shame. “When I teach on honor-shame dynamics in ministry and the Bible, people often comment, ‘You speak about shame in other cultures, but I think shame is a big issue here in America’…
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Incredible Human Machine
Want to see a tongue really up close with no computer generated illustrations? This documentary from a few years back gives an un-sexy and downright mechanical view of the human body.
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"The Tyranny of Guilt: An Essay on Western Masochism"
While I don’t agree with some of the reasoning and conclusions in this book, I do find that it paints a picture of western culture’s guilt and masochism. In any case, books like this do “shift perspective” enough to get our mind working a bit differently.
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Three steps for self-compassion
Inspired by Kristen Neff’s article on self-compassion in the November Shambhala Sun, graphic recorder and Shambhala Sun reader Johnine Byrne created this wonderful graphic recording of Neff’s three steps for self-compassion.
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17 Resources for Making Friends with Yourself
Letting go of self-criticism and making friends with ourselves makes us happier, more resilient, and kinder. Here is a collection of essential videos, books, and websites to help take that step. Self-compassion.org: All-in-one resource for how to practice self-compassion.
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Perspective shift. Coffee grinds or river delta?
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